


Fear and Fire

by Yuo



Category: Orange is the New Black
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-07-08 18:18:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15935744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yuo/pseuds/Yuo
Summary: From an anonymous prompt: Nicky betrays Barb because she loves Carol. This both follows and diverges from the canon and includes rewritten scenes from the show.





	Fear and Fire

**Author's Note:**

> For reference: in this fic, Nicky stayed in C-Block during her first stint in max in season 3. Red is not present at the salon when the attempted hit on Carol in S6E11 goes down.

Returning to a prison one has lived in before was ostensibly easier than being a newcomer - a sentiment Nicky often tried to remind herself, but the doubt and fear nagged at her like rabid bats circling her head. They could be shooed away, escaped momentarily, yet they always returned; perhaps some of the worst company one could keep during an extended stay in solitary. 

 

Unnecessary was Nicky’s induction into the petty, jealous, gang war and the  two reserved, bitter women who led it. Her last vacation to max had taken care of such initiations. But this was no vacation. This was her new reality. 

 

She peered through the window in her bright red Ad-Seg door, watching the other women as they paced, looked around anxiously, or simply stared off into space. Her friends. Her  _ family _ . She knew what they were thinking, what the worry and fear etched on their faces stood for. They feared punishment for their crimes. They feared the retaliation from the COs. They feared the discomfort, the boredom, the uncertainty, and the inevitable, inescapable hell that would be their upcoming life in a maximum security prison. 

 

Perhaps almost stupidly, thought Nicky, she didn’t fear any of these things. The stress and the simultaneous overcrowding and isolation were nothing but old friends to her. No, she feared a different villain waiting for her on the other side of that door. A person. A woman. 

_ Carol. _

 

Nicky had methods. Nicky had rules. And all of them were carefully designed and constructed, optimized for her own survival. Several months ago, when the lying, slippery Luschek had condemned her to several more years down the hill, she had relied on those methods exceedingly. The first order of business, after the small matter of processing and accepting the fact she might have very well permanently made her already shitty life that much shittier, was to thickly layer on her charming mask and get to know the players. 

 

It had been made very clear, as soon as Nicky had donned the navy blue uniform and stepped into C-Block, that there was only one player and she did nothing but sit around and play cards all day. And perhaps most importantly, you were not to approach her unless she approached you. 

 

Nicky found herself increasingly intrigued by the older woman as she first laid eyes on her. Definitely an unlikely leader - but then again, prison was full of unlikely people. Upon first glance she had appeared mousy and frail, her voluminous hair a testament to an era that had passed long ago. But as Carol sensed Nicky observing her and looked up to meet her gaze, the younger woman realized there was something very twisted and dangerous about her. An ancient, formidable power resting deep inside, asleep only until it was provoked. She resisted the urge to shudder as she pictured what it would look like if it was ever awakened, and went to settle into her new cell. 

 

Nicky had only one goal in mind for her first meeting with Carol - to impress. She had taken her seat confidently at the table, expertly disguising the anxiety that boiled inside her. However she had soon discovered that her nervousness was unfounded as Carol had a rather childish side to her, a side that was easily amused by her sarcastic quips and witty remarks. If Carol liked her facetious routine, well, then that was something she could easily keep up.

 

Perhaps the most important rule Nicky set for herself was  _ don’t get too involved. _ The last time she had broken this rule was when she stole Vee’s heroin stash,  _ and look how well that went, _ she thought bitterly. She had accepted Carol’s invitation to join her in the showers later and partake in Carol’s poor imitation of a spa day. She wasn’t a fighter. But she knew she could be a damn good entertainer.

 

Carol had started off with a long tangent about her sister, revealing many more deep-seated issues than she realized. Nicky had made the effort to nod along and empathize instead of revealing the deep horror that sprang up in her as the details of what could possibly be the most petty, violent grudge in history were divulged. It was then she discovered another possible way to charm Carol - by feeding her ever-growing need for validation. 

 

As the pair got more and more tipsy off Carol’s disgusting soap-flavored booze, the conversation turned to old girlfriends. Carol, it turned out, had an unrequited love many years ago, a love that eventually betrayed her. The realization hit Nicky like a ton of bricks as it occurred to her that Carol might be referring to Frieda. “What about you?” Carol had giggled, taking another healthy swallow of hooch. 

 

“Ah, you know, chicks come and go,” shrugged Nicky. Sadness welled up in her as she pictured Lorna’s beautiful face. “Hey, give me some of that,” she reached for the shampoo bottle. Her memory of this particular evening grew fuzzier and fuzzier as they both became increasingly drunk. Carol had remarked that the showers were now empty, and several witty, flirty remarks later, Nicky had ended up down on her knees on the wet tile floor. She attempted to justify it, thinking of all the other women she had been with and how Carol was really no different, or perhaps she was just  _ really  _ missing Lorna today, but there was something deeper involved. A sense of paying homage to a higher power, perhaps. 

 

The voice in her head had screamed  _ what the hell are you doing _ as Nicky stuck her face between Carol’s spread, waiting thighs, but she paid it no mind.

 

\-----

 

The sound of her door being unlocked roused Nicky from her trip down memory lane. “Nichols,” called the guard. “You’re going to gen pop.” She tossed Nicky her uniform and both overwhelming relief and crushing disappointment as she picked it up.  _ Khaki. _

 

To Nicky’s reassurance, it seemed none of the D-Block inmates knew about her and Carol’s liaison. Barb hadn’t even recognized her as she settled into her new home. But she knew her escape from Carol wasn’t for long - any day now she would have to clean C-Block on her janitorial shift. 

 

Carol had caught her eye immediately as she wheeled the cart into the brighter, cleaner environment of the more fortuitous cell block. Nicky attempted to decipher the expression clouding her face. Was it surprise? Fondness? She quickly looked away without so much as acknowledging Carol’s gaze.

 

\-----

 

Several months had passed and new troubles were on the horizon. With Nicky’s help, Barb had maintained her sobriety which opened the doors to several new and exciting possibilities. Unfortunately, Barb had chosen to pursue the only old possibility - plotting to kill her sister. 

 

“Relax, Daddy-o. Nicky’s family,” Barb said, patting the bed beside her. Her use of the word family stirred a deep longing in Nicky as she remembered the loving, caring group Red had once established. And yet, there was a shred of familiarity in how Barb treated her, as if one day she might accept the invitation to be a part of this new prison family. “Sit,” called Barb.

 

Ignoring the judgemental glare Daddy was directing her way, she did as Barb told. “Actually, I could use your brain on this one,” said Barb. “So, I have finally found a way to get Carol.” 

 

Nicky’s brow furrowed at the news. “We’re going to do it while she’s getting that bird’s nest on her head trimmed,” Barb continued. Nicky had stopped listening, paying attention only to the despair rising inside her. 

 

And it was then that Nicky discovered the most terrifying thing in her entire stay in max:  _ she cared about Carol.  _ She cared whether she lived or died - no, more than that - the thought of being complicit in harming the woman made her stomach turn. She considered this as Barb weighed out the pros and cons of blunt objects and shivs. 

 

“I- Look, Barb, you can’t do this,” she stammered. “They’re going to throw you in the SHU,” she justified. 

 

“Not if we grease the right palms,” laughed Barb. 

 

“Barb, I’m telling you, it’s too dangerous.”

 

“Nicky, honey, I have no choice,” she cooed. Her face hardened. “You saw what she did to me. She will try it again.”

 

“There’s gotta be another way!”  _ A way that doesn’t involve killing Carol, _ thought Nicky. 

 

“Oh, what, you don’t approve?” snapped Barb in a manner that eerily resembled her sister. “You think I’m some kind of monster?”

 

“I’m concerned, that’s all,” said Nicky. It wasn’t a lie.

 

\------

 

Nicky pushed the janitorial cart into C-Block the next morning with a new urgency. She flagged down Red from across the common area. “I need to talk to Carol,” she whispered. Red scoffed. 

  
“Nicky, please. Be reasonable,” she said in a harshly low tone. 

  
“It’s really important, okay?” begged Nicky. “I can’t tell you but it’s really important.” 

 

“Nichols!” bellowed Hellman. “Keep working.” 

 

Nicky had no choice but to move on. “I’m sorry,” whispered Red as she walked away. 

 

\-----

By no easy feat, Nicky had finagled herself a role in the assassination. Anxiety twisting inside her at the very real possibility that she would fail and watch Carol be killed before her very eyes, she swept the corridors focusedly. 

 

It didn’t feel right, betraying Barb so easily. For the first time in months, the eldest Denning had given her a taste of what family and togetherness was like, no matter how small that taste may be. Throwing it all away to save an old prison hookup - isn’t that all this was? Just a hookup? - felt like a huge waste. But witnessing Carol’s murder, Nicky thought, was decidedly worse. 

 

She reached the salon, feeling the eyes of the D-Block lackeys on her. She peered around the corner and saw Carol. She looked almost regal, leaning back with a peaceful expression on her face, enjoying the human contact of having her hair done. Nicky cleared her throat loudly and caught Carol’s gaze in the mirror. She whipped the bottle cap out of her pocket and slid it covertly across the floor with the broom. Carol, however, didn’t see Nicky’s discreet motion and looked away. 

 

Nicky attempted again to get her attention, but her small noises were drowned out by the hairdryer. With a horrible sinking feeling in her stomach, she had no choice but to step back into the hallway and let fate take its course. The ginger guard awakened from her daydream and noticed the cap, signalling the other CO over. They conversed quietly, but Nicky could make out the words “Ad-Seg”.

 

“Inmate Denning!” he shouted. “Your salon time is up. Come with me.”

  
“Come with you where?” demanded Carol. Nicky heard handcuffs click and an immense weight was lifted off her chest as she watched Carol be led away. As she passed, they made eye contact for a brief moment and Carol gave an almost imperceptible nod.  _ She knows what I did for her. _

 

\-----

 

It had been months since Nicky had felt true happiness, but the joy flooded through her as she stood on the frozen kickball field, watching C-Block and D-Block cheer each other on. That was, until the alarm sounded. 

 

“This is a lockdown,” the PA system announced as everyone shuffled dejectedly back into the prison, the day ruined. “What’s going on?” she demanded as Hellman ushered her back into her cell. He smirked as he considered which would be more fulfilling - denying the inmate the news she longed to hear, or witnessing the shock on her face when she told her. 

  
“The Denning sisters are dead,” he chuckled, slamming the cell door and locking it. 

  
Nicky froze for several seconds, unable to process the crushing blow. As if in a daze, she slowly sat on her bed, then rolled over onto her side. Pressing her face into her pillow so her cellmate wouldn’t overhear, she sobbed softly at the idea of the fiery woman’s flame being extinguished forever.


End file.
